somebody... help me!!!

OMG! I just wanna kill my self! i dont know what the fuck to do any more. My relationship with my girlfriend has went down the drain, and we have a 1 year old together. This person has no idea the pain shes causing me. I'm on the verge of suicide, i just dont wanna live no more! the shit she says to me the way she acts towards me, its just unbearable! She turned me into pulp, that's all i am now, just a fucking bag of pulp, i feel like i been beaten to this pulp by her, and the way she was treating me, and I should feel better about this relationship being over, but instead it drives me more and more insane! i don't know what to do !!!! somebody help me!
 I know there are people with worse problems than me, but, fuck! I cant cope with this anymore, this possibly could be my suicide note, not that anyone cares or would even know of its existence. IS this a cry for help? I think so! will I get this help? i doubt it! I dont think i felt this much pain even when my dad past away! How do some people just not care? HOW??? How are people just capable of causing so much pain to someone they state they love? how do they not listen or believe, when u explain, in every way possible that all you fucking want is them, and for them to treat you like they love you!? Now i think i'm gonna loose my son to her. if that happens... I dont know what the fuck i'm gonna do with my self. I think i am gonna fuck my life up to the point of no return, dig my self a hole that i'd never get out of, but i am not that type of person! I can take charge of my life... at least i was able to before her. I FUCKING LOVE HER! she is everything to me, but she treats me like i'm some fucking piece of fucking shit on the floor. She tells me she has a choice , me or the guy she was talking to while we were apart. but right before, she tells me she loves me and she wants to be with me and dont wanna loose me! god I should hate her so much right now! Why cant i just fill my self up with hate for this person? why am i just full of pain? I just wanna scream!
I feel like such insignificant waste of human emotions right now. I cant stop crying, All i can think about is what she said to me... that my son SMILES every time he sees the other guy, and her first kid cant stop talking about that same guy.  OMFG! SOMEBODY KILL ME!!! i cant live thinking that my son, my blood, is gonna be raised and disciplined by some other man! I wanna kill him!!!  I cant be around my kid and see him after he comes to me on my time with him after being in custody of her and the other man. i cant deal with it! i will kill my self, or as i said, will dig my self a hole where i might as well kill my self! i wish that somehow for just one second i can make her feel the way she makes me feel with all this shit she's doing. I hope no one has to deal with this pain! unfortunately alot do and alot also commit suicide! I wanna smash my head open!
 There is so much shit on my shoulders right now! so much things i have to deal with, and then this... to top it all off. I dont have a job, cant find one since april lost my previous job because of my mental breakdown because of her also. about to loose my apartment, might not sound special, but its trust me its huge, 2 bedroom not in the ghetto by the lake michigan with a parking spot in a remodeled 27 story building for $400. I would be a moron to loose this. but i dont have a job, and cant afford to pay for it, dont have a car right now, so will loose a parking space as well. and i'm gonna be homeless... this apartment  and this spot period was  over a decade in the making by my mother, and now because of my problems i'm gonna loose it. loose what she worked for and established. and i'm gonna be the fucking asshole to just loose it.
 My god, I cant stop thinking of all this shit thats crashing down on me with this brutal force. i cant stop crying, i'm feeling sick now, I'm getting nauseous as hell and my tummy is turned upside down.

is there anybody out there that can help me, PLEASE!?

Craigslist as a sham... for the most part...

So whats the deal with craigslist? That site seems like it could offer a ton of stuff that will fancy you, but in reality its just a spammers playground. It seems like it. As far as my experiences go, at least. I honestly responded to over 200 postings for a job, not some fucking CEO position, but lame dog walking, driving, delivery, flier distributing jobs, jobs that don't need a fucking PHD or what not, and all I got out of it, is a bunch more spam messages in my business inbox. Do these assholes really think that getting stupid offers and other retarded messages into peoples inbox will get them some kind of business? Like... Really!?!? Where do they come off doing hat shit? Its fucking annoying! And honestly all you can do is flag the poster, but whats that gonna do? They will just post again! Now someone needs to make a site that doesn't allow that shit being spread all over the site. I am enraged about this nonsense, what the hell does one do about it? How many complaints and actions did it take for craigslist to shut down their prostitution section? And I don't understand, how do these assholes actually make money off of getting peoples e-mails, and spamming the shit out of their mailbox... If you have to spend money on posting an ad for a job offering. What would it take to build a site thats similar to craigslist, except it would remove the ad if people respond to it. Is there any internet, website building, guru out there? I think i just came up with a great site idea, and you could name it with your name...

getting a job you want...

How nice would it be to get jobs in chicago?  Or in any other state for that matter.I'm not talking about a crappy job that you get just to barely survive!!! I mean jobs that you could live of. Wouldnt it be nice to be able to work in the field that you want? Unfortunately there is way too many people that have those jobs that you want, but unlike you, they dread being there! I want that job! half the jobs i would live to have I am very  qualified for!
I've been looking for a driving job for ever, I love driving, and i'm good at it, but getting the licenses and permits for some of the work is just too much of a pain!. for example CDL, Chauffeur, Taxi.
All tho if you are interested, you can easily find the info you need on Google, I'll post some sites on here on here too...but they are gonna be from IL. and thats for those who cant actually Google for them selves.

CDL -  http://tiny.cc/bppo5
Chauffeur - http://tiny.cc/76urr
Taxi - http://tiny.cc/f3mua

hopefully those links were good enough for you. feel free to state what you like in the comments, but just a heads up, the post is just my thoughts that were bothering me for a bit.


to be continued

graff and laws

what is the problem with the stupid graff laws? When are the officials will realize that severe punishments for it will not work for either parties? My friend died running from cops after being seen tagging an abandoned building, the building was abandoned for over 20 years, and yet he had to pay with his life, because he didnt want to go to a county jail for spray painting. here is one of the news articles:

Friends of a graffiti artist who died after plunging into the Chicago River in a chase with police paid tribute the best way they knew how Wednesday: spray-painting a mural in his memory on a brick wall behind a Radio Shack in Chicago's Edgewater neighborhood.

"Just because he was a graffiti artist doesn't mean he was a bad person," A.J. Harris said of his friend Jason Kitchekeg, 26, a popular presence in the city's close-knit graffiti and tagging community, a ragtag collection of teens and young adults celebrated as artists in some circles and derided as vandals in others.

"He wasn't out being malicious or trying to hurt anyone," Harris said. "Sadly, he went out doing what he loved."

So unfair!!!!

I would love to hear what you the reader of this little post have to say or how you feel about the graffiti in the US!