OMG! I just wanna kill my self! i dont know what the fuck to do any more. My relationship with my girlfriend has went down the drain, and we have a 1 year old together. This person has no idea the pain shes causing me. I'm on the verge of suicide, i just dont wanna live no more! the shit she says to me the way she acts towards me, its just unbearable! She turned me into pulp, that's all i am now, just a fucking bag of pulp, i feel like i been beaten to this pulp by her, and the way she was treating me, and I should feel better about this relationship being over, but instead it drives me more and more insane! i don't know what to do !!!! somebody help me!
I know there are people with worse problems than me, but, fuck! I cant cope with this anymore, this possibly could be my suicide note, not that anyone cares or would even know of its existence. IS this a cry for help? I think so! will I get this help? i doubt it! I dont think i felt this much pain even when my dad past away! How do some people just not care? HOW??? How are people just capable of causing so much pain to someone they state they love? how do they not listen or believe, when u explain, in every way possible that all you fucking want is them, and for them to treat you like they love you!? Now i think i'm gonna loose my son to her. if that happens... I dont know what the fuck i'm gonna do with my self. I think i am gonna fuck my life up to the point of no return, dig my self a hole that i'd never get out of, but i am not that type of person! I can take charge of my life... at least i was able to before her. I FUCKING LOVE HER! she is everything to me, but she treats me like i'm some fucking piece of fucking shit on the floor. She tells me she has a choice , me or the guy she was talking to while we were apart. but right before, she tells me she loves me and she wants to be with me and dont wanna loose me! god I should hate her so much right now! Why cant i just fill my self up with hate for this person? why am i just full of pain? I just wanna scream!
I feel like such insignificant waste of human emotions right now. I cant stop crying, All i can think about is what she said to me... that my son SMILES every time he sees the other guy, and her first kid cant stop talking about that same guy. OMFG! SOMEBODY KILL ME!!! i cant live thinking that my son, my blood, is gonna be raised and disciplined by some other man! I wanna kill him!!! I cant be around my kid and see him after he comes to me on my time with him after being in custody of her and the other man. i cant deal with it! i will kill my self, or as i said, will dig my self a hole where i might as well kill my self! i wish that somehow for just one second i can make her feel the way she makes me feel with all this shit she's doing. I hope no one has to deal with this pain! unfortunately alot do and alot also commit suicide! I wanna smash my head open!
There is so much shit on my shoulders right now! so much things i have to deal with, and then this... to top it all off. I dont have a job, cant find one since april lost my previous job because of my mental breakdown because of her also. about to loose my apartment, might not sound special, but its trust me its huge, 2 bedroom not in the ghetto by the lake michigan with a parking spot in a remodeled 27 story building for $400. I would be a moron to loose this. but i dont have a job, and cant afford to pay for it, dont have a car right now, so will loose a parking space as well. and i'm gonna be homeless... this apartment and this spot period was over a decade in the making by my mother, and now because of my problems i'm gonna loose it. loose what she worked for and established. and i'm gonna be the fucking asshole to just loose it.
My god, I cant stop thinking of all this shit thats crashing down on me with this brutal force. i cant stop crying, i'm feeling sick now, I'm getting nauseous as hell and my tummy is turned upside down.
is there anybody out there that can help me, PLEASE!?
